OUR JOURNEY
Here is a little more
into our adoption journey...the road to our family.
It started 12 years ago when we found out that I had stage IV endometriosis,
which meant we wouldn't be able to get pregnant on our own. The doctor
suggested we try in-vitro fertilization (IVF) because we were young and
would be the 'perfect candidates'. Well 2 months of hormones
injections, countless shots, blood tests, retrievals and implanting - ended us
with a disappointing call from the Doctor telling us that it hadn't
worked. And that in fact my eggs were not 'viable'. So if we wanted
to get pregnant we would have to get an egg donor.
We were beyond disappointed, and discouraged. We took a few months
to let everything sink in, and my hormones to regulate.
Then we had an amazing offer from a girl I had grown up with who volunteered to
come down to California to be an egg donor for us. A completely unselfish, wonderful
answer to our prayers! So we went through the entire process again, this time
with our egg donor by our side the entire time. She went through it ALL
with us. We were ecstatic, this time it would definitely work...right?
We again got a disappointing call from the Doctor giving us the news that
it hadn't worked again - and this time that they didn't even think that I could carry a baby because my uterus has been so damaged by the
endometriosis. We were all disappointed, all three of us this time, which
made it even harder.
So again we took a few months to digest this incredibly disappointing news.
The one thing that never wavered during all of this was our desire to have a
family. We finally decided it was time to try to adopt. We figured
the 'hard' part was over now that we had gone through all of the trials of
infertility...right?
A couple of years went by and my aunt contacted us about a girl she
knew in Arizona who was 16 and pregnant. So we decided to get our
paperwork together and get certified to adopt. We went out and met the
girl. She was a beautiful, sweet girl. We spent the day with her
and we absolutely loved her! We dropped her off at the end of the
day at her Mom's house and she had made her decision - she wanted us to
adopt the baby. We went back to California and stayed in contact, but it
was early in the pregnancy and she and the birth father got back together, and
then broke up again. It was on and off the rest of the
pregnancy. But the day her water broke she texted me that she was 100%
sure she wanted us to adopt the baby. I told her to have her Dad call
us. We got a text from her Dad telling us the baby was born, and he told
us the weight and height. Then we didn't hear anything back for 3
days. After which we got news that she was planning to keep the
baby.
We were heart broken, sad at how close we were to becoming parents. But
we felt like, everything happens for a reason, and the good news was this
situation had gotten us started on the path to adoption, it had gotten us to
get our paperwork done and qualified for whatever would come next.
A month later we got contacted by a birth mother who lived in North Carolina
who was pregnant. She was 37 and she had 3 kids and had gotten pregnant
having an affair. She was hiding the pregnancy from her kids and was
definitely going to give the baby up. We flew out to North Carolina, we
met her, and she was great. We looked like we could be sisters.
We had an instant connection. We went to an ultra sound with her and
found out it was a GIRL!!! We were so excited!!! We flew home, painted
the nursery, bought a crib and a car seat. We were ready!
We got our tickets to fly out a few days before the due date to make sure
we would be there for the birth. And then a few days before our flight we
couldn't get a hold of the birth mother. Her caseworker couldn't get a
hold of her. No one could get a hold of her.
So we cancelled our tickets...and we never heard from her again.
Our darling pink nursery was left empty.
We were so sad. Our hearts were broken once again. But in the
spirit of 'everything happens for a reason' we felt like the reason for
this was it was the first time we let ourselves actually get excited about the
idea of having a baby and now we had a nursery ready. We were that much
closer to being ready for our baby.
And then we were contact by another birth mother. She was from a small
town up in Canada, near where I had grown up. She was now living in Utah
and had gotten pregnant. We went up and met her, she was a sweet, sweet
girl with an amazing heart. We continued to go up to Utah
every couple of months for ultra sounds and doctor visits. She
was incredibly thoughtful and so excited for us to have a family!
The day finally came and I got a phone call from her that morning. I was
up in LA on a shopping trip for work. She said she had gone into the
doctor that morning and the doctor said she was ready - she was going to have a C-section. She
was on her way home to grab her bag and then heading to the hospital. I
started driving home to get Scott and get on a plane! It was really
happening!!! We were so excited and Scott had the car packed and ready by the
time I got home. Then as we were getting in the car we got a phone call
from her caseworker. She was at the hospital with our birth
mother and they couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat. We went
numb. We didn’t know what to do. She said the birth
mother still wanted us to come, she knew this was 'our baby', and she wanted
us to meet him and name him. So we flew up and we met our sweet
little Anderson. He was perfect – he was absolutely beautiful.
We got to hold him for a few hours and dress his sweet little body. We
buried him up in Utah next to Scott’s grandmother. It was so hard.
It hurt so badly. But it was a very special experience and we're so
grateful for the time we were able to have with him.
After that we decided to take a break for a few months and just regroup.
Then we got an email from a girl in Northern California who was due in a
month and had chosen another couple who had backed out on her last
minute. So she was frantically trying to find another couple before the
baby was born. We went up and met her and her mother that weekend.
Everything went really, really well. We were excited that it could possibly
happen so quickly!
The next few weeks seemed like they took an eternity but on January 3rd Charlotte was
born. We went up to the hospital in Northern California and
picked her up. She was beautiful and such a happy, peaceful baby. I
had never been big into pink, or bows, or frilly things, but something happened
once we brought her home and the color pink exploded all over our house and we
couldn’t have been happier about it! We were finally parents and we were
absolutely LOVING it!!! We fell in love with our sweet
Charlotte!
But after 9 weeks of pure bliss with our princess…we unexpectedly got an email
from the birth mother that she had changed her mind and was coming the next day
to pick Charlotte up. In the state of California birth mothers have 30
days to change their mind, and Charlotte was actually 1/32 Native American
which allows an additional 60 days for the tribes to approve the adoption, so
she had 90 days to change her mind. We were absolutely devastated.
It was heart breaking. It hurt worse than I could have imagined.
Our lives were forever changed by this sweet baby girl. And we were
left with our arms empty once again.
What we had learned this time is how much we absolutely loved being parents and
the love we felt for this precious baby drove us to continue our journey.
Looking back, and talking about it with Scott, he was saying it felt like
we were climbing a mountain in the fog, and we couldn’t see how much
farther we had to go, or if the end was in sight. It was like we were
yelling out “Are we there yet? Are we there?” Apparently we weren't quite
there.
We decided to take a break again for a little bit to mend our broken
hearts.
Then on March 20th 2012 at 6:45 a.m. I got a phone call from my
aunt who lives in Arizona. After everything had happened with Charlotte my
aunt had gotten really upset and put a post about it on Facebook. I saw
it and asked her to take it down because we didn’t want to cause any
drama. But apparently while it was up one of her friend's saw it and
emailed her asking if we were still trying to adopt because his daughter
was pregnant and contemplating placing the baby for adoption.
The Father sent his daughter's cell phone number and I called her
that day. We talked on the phone for a while and we had a great
conversation. She lived in Utah so we flew out there a few weeks later to
meet her and to go to an ultra sound with her. She was amazing! She
was such a genuine, beautiful person inside and out. We loved her!
She was 26, and she already had a 2 year old and knew how hard it was to
be a single mom. She was actually adopted herself, her parents had
adopted her and her brother, so she had an appreciation for adoption and
she was grateful for how it had impacted her life.
Six months later and a lot of visits to Utah in between, Wyatt was born on
September 9, 2012. We got there just in time for his birth and were able
to be in the room with her. It was such an amazing, special
experience. He was perfect! He was a true miracle.
He was definitely worth the wait and we would do it all over again!
We still keep in touch with Wyatt's Birth Mother and we visit every time we go
up to Utah. We have such a special relationship with her and love her so
much. We will be forever grateful to her.
We know that everything we've been through - all of the hurdles, and the
challenges, they were actually stepping stones that have led us to
this place, this incredibly happy place! And we feel so blessed.
